By: Amanda LoVerde
Things I Was Told Not to Do in Therapy…And Why I Do Them Anyway
When I was in graduate school, I was taught many things about how to “be” a therapist.
Don’t disclose too much about yourself.
Don’t blur boundaries.
Don’t admit when you don’t know something.
Don’t make it about you.
Stay neutral. Stay contained. Stay the expert.
And for a long time, I tried to follow those rules. I wanted to do it “right.” I wanted to be competent, ethical, and effective.
But somewhere along the way, after years of sitting with people in their most vulnerable moments, I realized something:
The more human I allowed myself to be, the more effective I became.
Moving Away from “The Expert” Role
I don’t see myself as the expert in the room.
You are.
You are the expert on your life, your experiences, your pain, your patterns, and your resilience. What I bring is training, perspective, and a different lens, but not authority over your experience.
Therapy, at its best, isn’t something done to you. It’s something we do together.
I think of my role less as someone who fixes and more as someone who walks alongside, helping you notice things, make connections, and access strengths that may already be there but are hard to see.
The Power of Authenticity
Over time, I’ve learned that rigidly doing therapy by the book can sometimes create distance instead of connection.
So yes, sometimes I:
Admit when I’m wrong
Acknowledge when I’ve misunderstood something
Share pieces of myself when it’s helpful and intentional
Let you see me as a real person, not just a role
Not because the session is about me, but because therapy is about relationship. And relationships require authenticity.
When I can show up as a human being, not just a clinician, it gives you permission to do the same.
Why This Matters
Many people come into therapy carrying shame, self-doubt, or the belief that something about them is too much or not enough.
A sterile, overly clinical space can unintentionally reinforce that.
But a space where:
You are met with honesty
You are allowed to be imperfect
You are not judged for your humanity
That’s where real work can happen.
Strengths Over Fixing
I don’t believe you are broken.
I believe you’ve adapted.
Sometimes those adaptations no longer serve you, and part of our work is refining, reshaping, or letting go of them. But underneath it all, there are strengths, often ones you may not even recognize yet.
What I find most inspiring in this work is watching people reconnect with those strengths and begin to trust themselves again.
A Different Way of Thinking About Therapy
There’s an idea often attributed to Irvin Yalom that has always resonated with me: in therapy, we are not meant to be towering structures guiding from a distance, but rather a steady presence alongside the person in front of us.
That’s how I approach this work.
Not as a lighthouse directing you from afar.
But as a companion, present, engaged, and walking with you through whatever you’re facing.
Final Thoughts
If you’re considering therapy, know this:
You don’t need to have it all figured out.
You don’t need to present yourself a certain way.
You don’t need to be ready in some perfect sense.
You just need to show up.
And when you do, I’ll meet you there, not as an expert above you, but as a human being beside you.
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