The Summer Mental Load Moms Carry
The other day my daughter asked me if I had started putting together her end-of-the-year school basket. I laughed and immediately thought, Who is coming up with these ideas? As she excitedly explained what everyone was bringing and what was expected, I could feel my brain doing what I think a lot of moms’ brains do. It wasn’t really about the basket. It was about everything the basket represented. Another thing to remember. Another thing to organize. Another thing quietly added to the list that seems to live in the back of our minds at all times.
Maybe that’s why summer can feel so complicated as a mom. Our kids see the freedom that’s coming. They see the pool days, the sleepovers, the vacations, the camp weeks, the ice cream runs, and the later bedtimes. We see calendars. We see registrations. We see coordinating schedules, figuring out transportation, remembering forms, buying supplies, planning around work, planning around family, and somehow keeping everything moving forward. Summer arrives with so much excitement, but it also arrives with a surprising amount of invisible work.
Recently, I’ve been listening to Emma Grede talk about motherhood, business, and success, and one of the things I appreciate most about her perspective is that she doesn’t pretend women can do everything all at once. She talks openly about trade-offs and about letting go of the idea that balance means giving equal attention to every part of your life every day. That resonated with me because I think so many moms are exhausted not from what they’re physically doing, but from everything they’re mentally carrying. The planning, the anticipating, the remembering, the constant effort to make sure everyone else’s needs are met before our own.
Today, it can sometimes feel like we’re expected to be camp director, event planner, chauffeur, photographer, memory maker, and logistics coordinator all at the same time. It’s no wonder so many moms feel overwhelmed before summer has even started.
The thing I’ve been reminding myself lately is that my daughter isn’t experiencing summer the way I am. She’s not worried about whether everything is perfectly planned. She’s not thinking about registrations, schedules, or whether I remembered to buy the right camp shirt. She’s thinking about cannonballs into the pool, popsicles after dinner, and seeing her friends. While I’m busy managing summer, she’s busy enjoying it. There is probably a lesson in that for me.
As summer approaches, I’m trying to give myself permission to stop measuring how well I’m doing by how much I can fit onto a calendar. As a therapist I know my kids are not going to remember every detail of the summer, but they will remember having a happy mom. Putting myself first, getting the support I need is an essential self care tool for myself this summer.
The mental load of motherhood also needs to be transferred onto our partners , sharing the load of raising the children is non-negotiable, especially in a house where both parents work. Think about ways you can talk to your partner for more support if you feel you are not getting enough.
The mental load of motherhood doesn’t disappear when school ends; in many ways, it gets heavier. But maybe part of taking care of our mental health is recognizing that we were never meant to carry every detail perfectly. Maybe the goal isn’t creating the perfect summer. Maybe it’s allowing ourselves to be present enough to enjoy it, too.
☀️ Summer Mental Load Check-In for Moms
Before summer gets into full swing, take a few minutes and ask yourself:
☐ Have I made a list of the support I already have available to me?
☐ Have I identified additional support I can reach out to if I need it—friends, family, babysitters, camp resources, or even a therapist?
☐ Have I put at least one thing on the calendar this month that is just for me?
☐ If I work from home, have I talked with my children about what my workday looks like and what support I need from them?
☐ Have I given myself permission to stop trying to make every moment of summer perfect?
☐ Am I creating space to enjoy summer too, instead of just managing it?
Remember: The goal isn’t to create the perfect summer. The goal is to create a summer that works for your family while protecting your own well-being along the way. 💛
